Bored of the Rings [Audible 64] – The Harvard Lampoon Free Audiobook

Written by The Harvard Lampoon
Read by Jim Meskimen
Format: MP3
Bitrate: 64 Kbps
Unabridged

Audible Audio Edition
Listening Length: 5 hours and 29 minutes
Version: Unabridged
Publisher: Tantor Audio
Audible.com Release Date: November 26, 2012
Language: English
ASIN: B00ADDKVNK

“Do you like what you doth see . . . ?” said the voluptuous elf-maiden
as she provocatively parted the folds of her robe to reveal the rounded,
shadowy glories within. Frito’s throat was dry, though his head reeled with
desire and ale.
She slipped off the flimsy garment and strode toward the fascinated
boggie unashamed of her nakedness. She ran a perfect hand along his hairy
toes, and he helplessly watched them curl with the fierce insistent wanting of
her.
“Let me make thee more comfortable,” she whispered hoarsely, fiddling
with the clasps of his jerkin, loosening his sword belt with a laugh. “Touch
me, oh _touch me_,” she crooned.
Frito’s hand, as though of its own will, reached out and traced the
delicate swelling of her elf-breast, while the other slowly crept around her
tiny, flawless waist, crushing her to his barrel chest.
“Toes, I _love_ hairy toes,” she moaned, forcing him down on the
silvered carpet. Her tiny, pink toes caressed the luxuriant fur of his instep
while Frito’s nose sought out the warmth of her precious elf-navel.
“But I’m so small and hairy, and . . . and you’re so _beautiful_,” Frito
whimpered, slipping clumsily out of his crossed garters.
The elf-maiden said nothing, but only sighed deep in her throat and held
him more firmly to her faunlike body. “There is one thing you must do for me
first,” she whispered into one tufted ear.
“Anything,” sobbed Frito, growing frantic with his need. “Anything!”
She closed her eyes and then opened them to the ceiling. “The Ring,” she
said. “I must have your Ring.”
Frito’s whole body tensed. “Oh no,” he cried, “not that! Anything but .
. . that.”
“I must have it,” she said both tenderly and fiercely. “I must have the
_Ring!_”
Frito’s eyes blurred with tears and confusion. “I can’t,” he said. “I
mustn’t!”
But he knew resolve was no longer strong in him. Slowly, the elf-
maiden’s hand inched toward the chain in his vest pocket, closer and closer it
came to the Ring Frito had guarded so faithfully . .

A quest, a war, a ring that would be grounds for calling any wedding off, a king without a kingdom, and a furry little “hero” named Frito, ready – or maybe just forced by the wizard Goodgulf – to undertake the one mission that can save Lower Middle Earth from enslavement by the evil Sorhed.

Luscious Elf-maidens, a roller-skating dragon, ugly plants that can soul kiss the unwary to death – these are just some of the ingredients in the wildest, wackiest, most irreverent excursion into fantasy realms that anyone has ever dared to undertake. For everyone who has delighted in J. R. R. Tolkien’s fantasy masterwork – or anyone who’s just looking for a good laugh – Bored of the Rings is the “all-in-one-volume” comic extravaganza that will convince lovers and haters of fantasy that they’ve finally experienced it all, and that they’ll never need to read another fantasy parody again.